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Let The Singles Be

Updated: Apr 5

There’s an influx of “singles ministries” as seen on Instagram and I think that it serves to increase the blood pressure of innocent single Christians who may or may not be “waiting on God for a life partner”. Most of these “singles ministries” are geared towards women approaching or over 30, unsurprisingly.

This was the same terrain I encountered when I was single. I found that I was sometimes occupied by thoughts of wanting to be married to and raising a family with a godly man, inundated with these daydreams in conversations with friends, family, and at church, where we had “singles groups” like Passion For Purity. This is a godly desire; God puts the desire for companionship in us - it is a good thing - but it becomes a problem when we make people feel as though they are incomplete without a spouse. It is a problem when we make people think that the gospel of Christ crucified is actually the gospel of spouse or marriage.

We need to be careful so that church does not become some kind of match-making avenue and that pastors do not become preoccupied with being match-makers or relationship experts.

So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.”
1 Peter 5:1-3

Fundamentally, pastors/elders are called to shepherd the flock of Christ, which includes feeding them the word of God, instead of making the sheep feel as though being married is second to salvation.

People are selling courses and pushing content about “godly dating” all over social media and I think we need to be careful that we don’t make marriage the be-it-and-end-all of our walk with God.

If there’s a single person in your life who may or may not be desiring marriage, do them a favour and let them be. Don’t make every conversation you have with them be about when they meet someone, and when they get married, and when they have kids etc. Because they have Christ, they are already whole. You would do well to help them remember this.

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